Why Do We Have Trouble Managing Time?
Recently someone wrote and said, "I am really bad at planning for future events such as vacations, and I blame myself for not "getting better" about managing my time. How can I improve my time management?"
My answer? The first thing to consider is the extent to which others have this problem too. Why? Because shame won't make you a better time manager. And because we all, to some degree, have trouble managing time.
What makes us have this trouble? A small part of human nature. The idea that all psychological injuries distort our ability to sense time. All psychological injuries. Moreover, since we all have psychological injuries, we all have glitches in our ability to sense time.
So what can we do to get better at managing time? Begin with the idea that whenever we lose track of time, we also experience a parallel symptom; our mind goes blank. This, in fact, is the true culprit here; our blank mind. In fact, no blank mind, no loss of time. Thus, this is where we need to focus if we hope to improve.
Where do we begin? By realizing that there are two psychological ways to sense time; the way we sense time before age seven, and the way we sense time after age seven.
Please remember we are not talking here about the physicist's sense of time. Rather, we are simply referring to the two ways in which human beings can psychologically sense time; the before age-seven sense of time, and the after age-seven sense of time. How are they different?
Before age seven, we sense time only as separate, disconnected moments. After age seven, we sense time as a sequence of before and after moments.
This means that before age seven, we cannot grasp what "waiting for something" means. Other than we are not getting what we want and that this not getting feels painful.
This is why before age seven kids kids throw tantrums when you tell them they have to wait. To them, this means they will never get what they asked for, because the here and now is all their is and ever will be.
After age seven, we begin to understand that time happens "over time." In other words, we realize that things do not always occur in the same moment as we ask. Which gives us the basis for learning patience and that we can look forward to things.
In this way then, with after age -seven time, we not only can diffuse the pain of waiting, we can also see it as a good thing by having things to look forward to.
Then there is the idea that how we learn from teachers changes at about age -seven. How?
Before age seven, if we do not immediately grasp something a teacher is saying, we dismiss either the teacher, the idea, or ourselves as learners. After age seven though, this experience changes radically, as we can at least intellectually grasp that the struggles involved in learning may pay off in the end; moreover, that what may appear worthless at first may indeed hold great value once we learn to see it.
In addition, there is the idea that before age -seven, we cannot learn from our mistakes. At least not temporally. Why not?
Because in order to temporally learn from our mistakes, we must be able to consciously witness time unfold as a sequence, in other words, that the present moment has followed the one immediately before it and so on. B
efore age seven, we can not connect moments in time to each other. Thus we cannot see how what we do affects outcomes.
So how, before age -seven, can we appear to learn from our mistakes at times?
Because while we cannot see time as a sequence of events, we can associate external experiences to internal experiences.
What I am saying is, even in the first few hours in which we are alive, we can, and do, begin to associate life events with qualitative evaluations. Some things feel good. Some feel bad. And this is how we "learn."
Thus, before age -seven, we learn from "good" experiences by associating good feelings with certain events. Likewise, we learn from "bad" experiences by associating bad feelings with certain events. Because we lack the sense of time over time, we still cannot predict when these things will occur. But when they do, we feel the same good or bad feelings. And often take the same momentum based actions.
These momentum based responses are what we call, "associative" learning. It is how we learn about ourselves and about life before age seven. By associating feelings with events.
This differs markedly from "logical" learning, wherein we use a sense of causality to infer future outcomes. This is what the cliche, "learn from the past or be doomed to repeat it" refers to. It refers to how we can, after age-seven, use logic and time to improve our odds of having a happy life.
What is especially important to note here,though is that I did not say "will" give us a happy life. Why not? Because while consecutive moments in time may often seem connected causally, at times, they are not. If they were, we could predict and prevent all bad events, from bad weather and storms to car accidents and illnesses.
My point is, before age -seven, we cannot even hypothesize causality, because we cannot experience time sequentially. Each moment feels separate and unrelated.
The question now becomes, so is before age -seven time "bad?" Not at all. Especially when you realize there is something special about both ways of sensing time. Each functions better in some particular part of life.
For example, before age-seven time is best for people who do a lot of creative work. Why? Trying to be creative in after age-seven time is like trying to make love while you are mentally reorganizing your closets. Not too much fun for either you or your partner.
On the other hand, after seven time is best when you are planning things; work schedules, vacations, saving for college, etc.
Trying to do any of this in before age-seven time is like trying to drive a car with a stiff neck; you can not see where you are going. At least, not very easily. Why not? Because you can not look back. This means you will be unable to learn from the past and in effect, be doomed to repeat your mistakes. The result? Everything from vacation conflicts to career dead ends.
OK. So being able to choose between the two types of time consciousness, between before age-seven time and after age-seven time, is very important. So what keeps people older than seven from using this knowledge then? The answer? I have already mentioned it. Injuries. Why? Because we all have injuries. And because all injuries involve distortions to our sense of time.
To see how, allow me to briefly dip into Emergence Personality Theory's basics of injury, starting with that we even divide all psychological injuries into two broad categories. No surprise both are based on what happens to the person's sense of time.
What are the two kinds of psychological injury? One type we call, "blank screens," and the other, we call, "stuck clocks."
How do these two things affect our sense of time?
With "blank screens," the screen of your mind goes blank during the wounding event. Thus, the trauma seems to last forever.
With "stuck clocks" though, time freezes during the wounding event, similar to how a scratched phonograph record can freeze in one spot on the record. Thus, with stuck clocks, we forget time even exists but repeatedly experience the same single painful frame of experience.
In effect, this means we can divide injuries into those in which time stops while life continues, and those in which our vision stops while time continues. Either way, getting injured distorts our sense of time.
All this said, let me now try to briefly address your question.
So what can you do to begin to improve your sense of time? From a damage control, will powered sense of time, you could learn to be more aware of when you are unable to sense after age-seven time.
And from an Emergence Personality Theory based, "heal the injury" sense of time, you could begin to develop a list of the situations wherein you cannot picture things unfolding over time. You could then use this list to focus your healing efforts.
In the end, the goal would be to become able to choose between these two ways we can sense time. For instance, planning a vacation? After age-seven time. On vacation? Before age-seven time. Choosing a career path? After age-seven time. Creatively designing a job within your career path? Before age-seven time.
Seeing time this way means you see nether way as "bad." More, they each become simply the right, or wrong, tool for each thing you do. Before age-seven time for being creative. After age-seven time for planning for the future.
My answer? The first thing to consider is the extent to which others have this problem too. Why? Because shame won't make you a better time manager. And because we all, to some degree, have trouble managing time.
What makes us have this trouble? A small part of human nature. The idea that all psychological injuries distort our ability to sense time. All psychological injuries. Moreover, since we all have psychological injuries, we all have glitches in our ability to sense time.
So what can we do to get better at managing time? Begin with the idea that whenever we lose track of time, we also experience a parallel symptom; our mind goes blank. This, in fact, is the true culprit here; our blank mind. In fact, no blank mind, no loss of time. Thus, this is where we need to focus if we hope to improve.
Where do we begin? By realizing that there are two psychological ways to sense time; the way we sense time before age seven, and the way we sense time after age seven.
Please remember we are not talking here about the physicist's sense of time. Rather, we are simply referring to the two ways in which human beings can psychologically sense time; the before age-seven sense of time, and the after age-seven sense of time. How are they different?
Before age seven, we sense time only as separate, disconnected moments. After age seven, we sense time as a sequence of before and after moments.
This means that before age seven, we cannot grasp what "waiting for something" means. Other than we are not getting what we want and that this not getting feels painful.
This is why before age seven kids kids throw tantrums when you tell them they have to wait. To them, this means they will never get what they asked for, because the here and now is all their is and ever will be.
After age seven, we begin to understand that time happens "over time." In other words, we realize that things do not always occur in the same moment as we ask. Which gives us the basis for learning patience and that we can look forward to things.
In this way then, with after age -seven time, we not only can diffuse the pain of waiting, we can also see it as a good thing by having things to look forward to.
Then there is the idea that how we learn from teachers changes at about age -seven. How?
Before age seven, if we do not immediately grasp something a teacher is saying, we dismiss either the teacher, the idea, or ourselves as learners. After age seven though, this experience changes radically, as we can at least intellectually grasp that the struggles involved in learning may pay off in the end; moreover, that what may appear worthless at first may indeed hold great value once we learn to see it.
In addition, there is the idea that before age -seven, we cannot learn from our mistakes. At least not temporally. Why not?
Because in order to temporally learn from our mistakes, we must be able to consciously witness time unfold as a sequence, in other words, that the present moment has followed the one immediately before it and so on. B
efore age seven, we can not connect moments in time to each other. Thus we cannot see how what we do affects outcomes.
So how, before age -seven, can we appear to learn from our mistakes at times?
Because while we cannot see time as a sequence of events, we can associate external experiences to internal experiences.
What I am saying is, even in the first few hours in which we are alive, we can, and do, begin to associate life events with qualitative evaluations. Some things feel good. Some feel bad. And this is how we "learn."
Thus, before age -seven, we learn from "good" experiences by associating good feelings with certain events. Likewise, we learn from "bad" experiences by associating bad feelings with certain events. Because we lack the sense of time over time, we still cannot predict when these things will occur. But when they do, we feel the same good or bad feelings. And often take the same momentum based actions.
These momentum based responses are what we call, "associative" learning. It is how we learn about ourselves and about life before age seven. By associating feelings with events.
This differs markedly from "logical" learning, wherein we use a sense of causality to infer future outcomes. This is what the cliche, "learn from the past or be doomed to repeat it" refers to. It refers to how we can, after age-seven, use logic and time to improve our odds of having a happy life.
What is especially important to note here,though is that I did not say "will" give us a happy life. Why not? Because while consecutive moments in time may often seem connected causally, at times, they are not. If they were, we could predict and prevent all bad events, from bad weather and storms to car accidents and illnesses.
My point is, before age -seven, we cannot even hypothesize causality, because we cannot experience time sequentially. Each moment feels separate and unrelated.
The question now becomes, so is before age -seven time "bad?" Not at all. Especially when you realize there is something special about both ways of sensing time. Each functions better in some particular part of life.
For example, before age-seven time is best for people who do a lot of creative work. Why? Trying to be creative in after age-seven time is like trying to make love while you are mentally reorganizing your closets. Not too much fun for either you or your partner.
On the other hand, after seven time is best when you are planning things; work schedules, vacations, saving for college, etc.
Trying to do any of this in before age-seven time is like trying to drive a car with a stiff neck; you can not see where you are going. At least, not very easily. Why not? Because you can not look back. This means you will be unable to learn from the past and in effect, be doomed to repeat your mistakes. The result? Everything from vacation conflicts to career dead ends.
OK. So being able to choose between the two types of time consciousness, between before age-seven time and after age-seven time, is very important. So what keeps people older than seven from using this knowledge then? The answer? I have already mentioned it. Injuries. Why? Because we all have injuries. And because all injuries involve distortions to our sense of time.
To see how, allow me to briefly dip into Emergence Personality Theory's basics of injury, starting with that we even divide all psychological injuries into two broad categories. No surprise both are based on what happens to the person's sense of time.
What are the two kinds of psychological injury? One type we call, "blank screens," and the other, we call, "stuck clocks."
How do these two things affect our sense of time?
With "blank screens," the screen of your mind goes blank during the wounding event. Thus, the trauma seems to last forever.
With "stuck clocks" though, time freezes during the wounding event, similar to how a scratched phonograph record can freeze in one spot on the record. Thus, with stuck clocks, we forget time even exists but repeatedly experience the same single painful frame of experience.
In effect, this means we can divide injuries into those in which time stops while life continues, and those in which our vision stops while time continues. Either way, getting injured distorts our sense of time.
All this said, let me now try to briefly address your question.
So what can you do to begin to improve your sense of time? From a damage control, will powered sense of time, you could learn to be more aware of when you are unable to sense after age-seven time.
And from an Emergence Personality Theory based, "heal the injury" sense of time, you could begin to develop a list of the situations wherein you cannot picture things unfolding over time. You could then use this list to focus your healing efforts.
In the end, the goal would be to become able to choose between these two ways we can sense time. For instance, planning a vacation? After age-seven time. On vacation? Before age-seven time. Choosing a career path? After age-seven time. Creatively designing a job within your career path? Before age-seven time.
Seeing time this way means you see nether way as "bad." More, they each become simply the right, or wrong, tool for each thing you do. Before age-seven time for being creative. After age-seven time for planning for the future.