Time is Valuable: Learn When to Say No
A lack of assertiveness can cause many problems in day-to-day living yet it is something that many of us have problems dealing with. The most common problems that stem from a lack of assertiveness are stress and anxiety. Learning how to be more assertive and how to say “no” is a huge step towards gaining more self-confidence and dealing with other people much more easily.
Traits which are common to the unassertive person
Almost everyone that has a problem with un-assertiveness suffers from a huge amount of empathy, which means they will take into account and worry more about other people’s thoughts and feelings more than they do their own. While a certain amount of empathy is a good trait, too much causes many problems for some people when it comes to saying the simple word “no”. People suffering from an over abundance of empathy will find it extremely difficult to say “no” to others and usually those requesting favors know this and many times the person is taken advantage of. Just remember the next time a colleague or friends asks you to swap a shift or you are asked to do a favor of any kind that your time is just as valuable as those asking you for the favor. If it is no big deal then fair enough but if you had other plans to spend that time then learn how to say “No”.
The trick to learning how to say NO
Learning to be more assertive is not something you can do easily overnight, there isn’t any magic wand which you can wave and you wake up the next morning with a different attitude. You will have to practise saying “no” and many times in the beginning, although you appear confident and think you can do it before the confrontation, you will find yourself drifting back to your old ways and hear yourself say “yes”. Here are a couple of helpful points to get you started on the road to assertiveness.
Practice at home
Start off by practicing your assertiveness when home alone, you can do this in the mirror, by doing this you will simply get used to using the word “no” until it begins to roll off your tongue much more easily. Once you are a little more familiar with the word then practise with close friends and relations, whatever you are asked to do the politely but firmly decline. If it is something you wish to take part in then you can always change your mind later but for now, you are simply practising using the word with people you feel comfortable around, which will make it so much easier.
Make sure you understand their request
If you are asked for a favour then resist the temptation to say, “Yes” immediately without first fully understanding what is being asked of you. Get as much information as you possible can and then consider it before making a decision, never feel pressured into giving an answer there and then, if need be say that you need time to think about it before giving your answer.
Traits which are common to the unassertive person
Almost everyone that has a problem with un-assertiveness suffers from a huge amount of empathy, which means they will take into account and worry more about other people’s thoughts and feelings more than they do their own. While a certain amount of empathy is a good trait, too much causes many problems for some people when it comes to saying the simple word “no”. People suffering from an over abundance of empathy will find it extremely difficult to say “no” to others and usually those requesting favors know this and many times the person is taken advantage of. Just remember the next time a colleague or friends asks you to swap a shift or you are asked to do a favor of any kind that your time is just as valuable as those asking you for the favor. If it is no big deal then fair enough but if you had other plans to spend that time then learn how to say “No”.
The trick to learning how to say NO
Learning to be more assertive is not something you can do easily overnight, there isn’t any magic wand which you can wave and you wake up the next morning with a different attitude. You will have to practise saying “no” and many times in the beginning, although you appear confident and think you can do it before the confrontation, you will find yourself drifting back to your old ways and hear yourself say “yes”. Here are a couple of helpful points to get you started on the road to assertiveness.
Practice at home
Start off by practicing your assertiveness when home alone, you can do this in the mirror, by doing this you will simply get used to using the word “no” until it begins to roll off your tongue much more easily. Once you are a little more familiar with the word then practise with close friends and relations, whatever you are asked to do the politely but firmly decline. If it is something you wish to take part in then you can always change your mind later but for now, you are simply practising using the word with people you feel comfortable around, which will make it so much easier.
Make sure you understand their request
If you are asked for a favour then resist the temptation to say, “Yes” immediately without first fully understanding what is being asked of you. Get as much information as you possible can and then consider it before making a decision, never feel pressured into giving an answer there and then, if need be say that you need time to think about it before giving your answer.